Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
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No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
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All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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