I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
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Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
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That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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