Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
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I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
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I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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