I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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