Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Found your dick twin last night
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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