Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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