my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
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