Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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