you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
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I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
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somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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