Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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