I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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