What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
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i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
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My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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