it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
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If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
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My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
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