I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
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Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
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I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
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