discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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