I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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