you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
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I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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