let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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