I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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