Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
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He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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