We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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