I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize