I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
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i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Enjoy the penises
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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