I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
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