Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize