my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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