I met the friendliest cop last night
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize