I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
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Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize