last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Just cropdusted the office
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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