so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
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He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
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posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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