sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
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There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
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That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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