She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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