I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize