his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
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Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
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I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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