You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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