You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
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I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
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NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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