I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize