I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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