Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize