Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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