Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize