I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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