It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
handjob tips. give me some.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
me + whiskey = a bad person
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize