So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
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you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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