biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
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We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
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He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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