if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
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Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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