yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
this just has baby written all over it
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize