ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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