Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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