WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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